Honest Trailers - The Greatest Showman
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: Just a disclaimer, I do not hate this movie. I initially find it bad in quality yet beautiful in execution. But the more I watched it, it gets better. So in honor of liking the movie musical much, here is an honest take of it.


From a first-time director who mostly directs commercials with Hugh Jackman that got replaced by the director of _Logan_ , starring Hugh Jackman, comes the unexpectedly successful crowd-pleasing musical extravaganza that was planned from the very start by Hugh Jackman. Because if you need something to put in your post- _Wolverine_ resume, it is something you already did before. **_The Greatest Showman_**.

Based on the real-life figure and showman humbug Phineas Taylor Barnum comes the not-so accurate account of his story, where the showman humbug is retained. And instead of showing his rampant exploitations, we only got a door shut. What? That's it. I was expecting more depth from a guy who is so proud of his Feejee mermaid hoax and minstrel shows. Wait, did I say that right?

Follow P.T. Barnum, a Hugh Jackman down-to-earth figure who looks nothing like the real-life Barnum but has the ultimate wish fulfillment likeness of Hugh Jackman. He has a kind heart, a kind conviction, a kind sense of philanthropy, a kind attitude ditching his in-laws, a kind payback to throw at his critics, and a kind of strange, rapid hormonal growth from a 12-year-old to a fortysomething handsome dude with the likeness of Hugh Jackman. You know, there is a reason why suspension of disbelief exists.

Watch as he creates his own circus from a museum filled with rag dolls and mannequins. And meet the freaks that made up his circus, who only show up in the musical numbers and wherever the plot needs them to be. But we sure give more highlights to characters like Phillip Carlyle, who is so convinced to join Barnum's act with just a drinking game and a crush on the trapeze artist; Charity Barnum, who is…there to become Barnum's motivation; Jenny Lind, the famous Swedish opera singer who is relegated as a mistress for Barnum; the…Bearded Lady, who is there to sing the movie's trailer song; General Tom Thumb, who cosplays as Bonaparte; Anne, who just swings by? Yeah, they didn't invest too much on the characters, did they?

But in spite of its plot faults, that is not what the audience is looking for. So, experience the show-stopping musical numbers from songs by the lyricists of _La La Land_. Because if you need songs for your own movie, hire the guys who wrote songs for the _Flash_ - _Supergirl_ musical crossover, that one original song from the _Trolls_ movie and _A Christmas Story Live!_ So, listen once again to the soundtrack that you have listened for the hundredth time, featuring songs like:

 **"The Disney Wish Fulfillment Song" ("A Million Dreams")**

 _'Cause every night I watch Disney_

 _To sing a song that's kind of Glee_

 _A million songs that I may wish to take_

 _I think of what my movie be_

 _Tell this story misleadingly_

 _A million writes this story's gonna fake_

 _And a million bucks this movie's gonna make_

 **"The Symbolism Song" ("Come Alive")**

 _See it live, come alive_

 _Subtle how this part_

 _Matches my kids' heart_

 _Now I'll sing as I strive_

 _I'll start my voice nigh_

 _Then I'll turn it high_

 _When this story is pure fantasy_

 _I guess let us up all the whimsy_

 _'Cause we're throwing all facts out wide open_

 _And you know you would not mind it all_

 _You'll dance and sing this until you fall_

 _'Cause we're throwing the plot out wide open_

 _So, see it live!_

 **"The Backstreet Boys-ish Song" ("The Other Side")**

 _Don't you think this is corny from the way we're dancing only_

 _'Cause I think that we move and we sing how the boy bands fly_

 _It'll make the fangirls scream and cry_

 _'Cause you can do like you do_

 _In High School Musical_

 _Slay with your moves, and you will be hysterical_

 _Oh, dang! Suddenly, your career can glide_

 _But it's still your same old side_

 **"The 'Did Rebecca Ferguson Really Sang This?' Song" ("Never Enough")**

 _All the time I am trying soprano_

 _All the time I am playing the piano_

 _It was never enough_

 _Was never enough_

 _My voice didn't sound operatic_

 _So we hired a double to fill the music_

 _It was never enough_

 _Was never enough_

 _For me_

 _Never, never_

 _Never, never_

 _Never, for me_

 _For me_

 _Never enough_

 _Never enough_

 _Never enough_

 _For me_

 _For me_

 _For me_

 **"The Oscar-Nominated Empowerment Song" ("This Is Me")**

 _Think this is the song from Camp Rock?_

 _Look away, we say_

 _'Cause this isn't a Disney crock_

 _We had moved on from losing to Pixar's_

 _"Remember Me", they say_

 _We tried and failed at the awards_

 _But this music will beat you to the dust_

 _Will stay stuck to empower us_

 _For we are the diverse_

 _When the sharpest words got our rating down_

 _The loyal fans are there to round them out_

 _This is great, this is good_

 _Look at our audience rating perfectly_

 _Look out 'cause here we come_

 _The movie that will make you sing and hum_

 _I don't care if I've seen_

 _I will watch over again, this is me_

 **"The Romantic Duet" ("Rewrite the Stars")**

 _Watch these former Disney stars_

 _Make a ship to make fans cry_

 _Nothing can stop the fanart_

 _Or the song covers that real fail but try_

 _It's up to you, and it's up to me_

 _If we can stop this song that cheesy_

 _But let's mimic those Disney stars_

 _So that the views could be ours_

 **"The Michelle Williams Solo Number" ("Tightrope")**

 _My part is so little but the writers gave me a song_

 _The title is "Tightrope"_

 _That image makes no sense since my screen time isn't that long_

 _Don't ever give up hope_

 _But don't be sure how far this character could go_

 _Yet it's a better movie_

 _Than All the Money in the World_

 _Now let's sing "Tightrope"_

 _Like this, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh_

 _Like this, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh_

 _Like ooh_

 **"The Redemption Song" ("From Now On")**

 _And from now on_

 _This hot guy will not be known as Logan_

 _From now on_

 _This role is not a retread of Valjean_

 _Or Helsing, Van_

 _And let this soundtrack in me squirm_

 _Play all day like an earworm_

 _From now on_

 _From now on_

 _From now on_

 _And you will hear this song_

 _And you will hear this song_

 _Hear again!_

 _And you will sing along_

 _And you will sing along_

 _Sing again!_

 _Now play it for so long_

 _Now play it for so long_

 _All again!_

 _It's now stuck all day long_

 _It's now stuck all day along_

 _Stuck again!_

And **"The Song to Remind You That You Watched a Great Movie" ("The Greatest Show")**

 _So tell me that you love this show!_

 _Give it a rating of a perfect five_

 _Save the movie soundtrack on your hard drive_

 _The reviews aren't true_

 _The hype is over you_

 _This is the greatest film!_

 _We let this film run for five months_

 _And the fans can't stop right now_

 _Watching it, still new_

 _The songs will be stuck too_

 _We light it up we won't come down_

 _And the sun can't stop us now_

 _Watching it come true_

 _It's taking over you_

 _This is the greatest film!_

Starring:

The Great Danton (P.T. Barnum)

Baewatch (Phillip Carlyle)

Ann Weying (Charity Barnum)

"Oh, Sing Sweet Ferguson…" (Jenny Lind)

Hurley from _Lost_ (Lettie Lutz)

K.C. Swinging Over (Anne Wheeler)

A Wookie (The Dog Boy)

White Chicks (The Albino Twins)

Little Man (Charles Stratton)

Freaks, No Geeks (The rest of the freaks)

The Nostalgia Critic (James Gordon Bennett)

And Screen Saver CGI (Some glaring CGI backdrops, specifically Charles' house)

 _The Greatest Jackman_

Well, that was good. The next thing we need from Hugh Jackman is starring in a fantasy story and singing hammily to the tune of a Nirvana song. Wait, he did that already? Oh my, I forgot this existed. It's really hilarious.


End file.
